I am feeling frustrated and exhausted from pretending to be okay and I am not sure how much longer I can do it. I had a knock your breath out of you moment a few days ago. The first time since my loss that someone asked me if I have kids. I said no and was then asked if I want to have them (I could go for hours about why you should NEVER ask someone that but will leave that for another day). I replied by saying I have a little girl in heaven and that doesn't appear to be part of my path. I know it's a natural question people ask, but I wish it wasn't. I personally prefer to ask people I meet to tell me about their family so I don't ask if the person has kids. I wish people had more awareness of what a loaded question that can be. And why on earth would someone think it's okay to ask someone if they want kids? Really? We cross paths with so many people every day and we have no idea about the trauma people carry. Seemingly simple questions can hurt so much.
I have been getting out for walks more often and spending more time out in nature, which I am enjoying and appreciating. I love the Cowichan Valley where we live, and there are so many amazing trail systems and hikes. My sweetie and I are trying to explore a new trail system each weekend we are home. The snow has us pretty home based this weekend, but also gives me some time to research different trails to check out.
I have been spending more time in the kitchen which has been good. I have been dedicating Sunday to food prep for the work week, which has been very helpful! I made fish tacos with fresh snapper. I pan fried the snapper fillets with a little lemon juice, and broke the snapper fillets up into chunks, checked it over and pulled out the bones, then added homemade taco seasoning. I warmed wrap shells and layered them with fish, blackbean & corn salsa (with lime juice & fresh cilantro) cashew cream, homemade guacamole, and pea shots.
We had blackbean and corn salsa, tomato, and cashew cream leftover, so we had taco pizza. I got a pre-made pizza crust and slathered it with Amy's Organic Refried Beans, I spread a layer of blackbean and corn salsa, and some white cheddar, I popped it in the oven at 425 for 10 minutes.
I cut it into slices and once on a plate drizzled it with cashew cream, lettuce, avocado, green onion (and tomato on my sweeties). This is one of my fav pizzas! It is kind of messy so we eat it with a knife and a fork, but soooo good!
I found this recipe for Honey Garlic Baked Pork Bites on Pinterest, which I made in my dutch oven. They were very tasty and I will make them again for sure! I can see doing a ginger orange spin on these in the future.
Another Pinterest recipe we enjoyed is this Vegan Spaghetti Carbonara. I chose this because I am still trying to limit my dairy intake. I seared some scallops in butter, a splash of cooking wine, sea salt & pepper.